If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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