She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
