WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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