Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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