I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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