How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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