he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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