Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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