I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
