Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
