How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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