check it out our google latitudes are spooning
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
