Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
