So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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