the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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