It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
