If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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