Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
