i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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