Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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