Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What a dumb baby whore.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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