went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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