So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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