And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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