I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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