You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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