just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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