come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
