yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
