My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
