I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
