In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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