im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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