how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
