Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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