If i come over, it means nothing
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
