mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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