Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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