dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
