I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
