Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
