my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
