Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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