Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
