so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
