omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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