How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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