i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
