dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
