After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do herpes really smell.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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