apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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