Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.