I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day