I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.