I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
