community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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