dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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