The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
