Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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