pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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