I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
