He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
