yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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